Birthday Present, and Past
by aMUSEment345
Summary: One shot. Intra-ep for 'Profiling 202'. Just a short conversation between two friends, because it was missing.


**Birthday Present, and Past**

"Is he okay?"

Jennifer Jareau shrugged, though her caller couldn't see.

"I don't know. He won't let us in. I mean, he's working with us on the case. But…you know…."

Fourteen hundred miles away, Reid _did_ know.

"He's handling it the same way he did last year, and the year before that…"

JJ took up the mantra. "And the year before that, and the year before that. Yes, he is. He's never before let us help him with his 'birthday presents' as he's always called them, and he's resisting it now, as well."

Frustration and concern combined in Reid's response. "But it's different, this time. Tommy Yates is _out_ there. He's an active risk. Can't Rossi see that?"

JJ shook her head. "He sees it. But it doesn't seem to make a difference to him. He sees Yates as _his_ problem, and _his_ responsibility. Emily tried to get through to him. She even tried to use the seminar students as a tool. She tried to make it seem like he was helping them by letting _them_ ….and us, mostly…..help _him_."

"Are you kidding? He's teaching that same seminar, at the same time, this year?"

Reid felt guilty all over again about having left the team to tend to his mother.

 _Emily must have known Rossi was committed to the seminar. She should have told me._

Which caused him to worry that his longstanding friendship with his new unit chief might have gotten in the way of her making decisions in the best interest of the team, and the work they did.

He chided himself. _You didn't really give her much choice, did you? You practically announced that you were leaving, and then you fell apart right in front of her. What else was she going to say?_

JJ interrupted his internal conversation.

"I think it's just coincidence. The seminar always falls _somewhere_ around this time of year, and sometimes it overlaps with his birthday."

"Did he hear from Yates?" Knowing that the serial killer had been among the escapees still on the run.

"Oh, yes. Yates called him and taunted him. Only this time, it wasn't just about finding one of his _older_ kills. Yates is still killing."

"Whoa. And I'll bet Rossi is taking it as a personal failure." It wasn't a question. Reid had seen his senior do it before.

"Of course. I talked about it with Em a little bit. I think she was going to try to get him to look at it as an _affront_ instead of a failure. You know, get his Italian temper going a little."

Reid had also seen that temper more than once, though thankfully never directed toward himself.

"Not a bad idea. But…you know what I think he really needs?"

"What?"

"Well, it's more of a 'who' than a 'what', but…."

"Hotch."

The name had come so easily to her, he knew she must have been thinking the same thing.

"Exactly. He'd _listen_ to Hotch. Not that he wouldn't argue the point, but he would _listen_. And I think he'd feel more supported….Sorry, I don't mean that the way it sounds. I know you're doing everything you can to help him. It's just..."

"No, I get it. And you're exactly right. Even though Emily is in charge now, he still feels like he needs to be a leader. Which, in Rossi's mind, means he's not allowed to lean. I think he saw Hotch as more of an equal."

"Because they had so much history," noted Reid. "I think he's probably really missing him right about now."

"As are we all, right? Anyway, we tried to offer our help, and we even invited his class to brainstorm on the case. They're keeping the seminar open, in spite of Yates, because Em thought it might help defuse the tension for Rossi if he could go into teaching mode now and then. I have to say, that part seems to be working….a little, anyway. He's less tense when he's explaining things to the kids in the seminar."

"Kids?"

"Sorry, just a slip. Although it feels that way sometimes, doesn't it? Some of them seem so young."

He chuckled. "I wouldn't know. They seemed old enough when I attended."

"Because you were probably five or six years younger than the next youngest!"

"True enough. But that was over a decade ago. You're right... they _are_ kids!"

 _Lots of birthdays in those years intervening, for both Rossi and me._

Then he got back to their original topic. "That was a good idea on Emily's part. She knows what she's doing. You _all_ do, for that matter. He'll see that, eventually. And he'll let you help."

"I hope you're right. I'm just sorry he's going through this essentially on his own."

Which reminded her to ask about Reid's current dilemma.

"So, how is it going in Houston?"

"Fine."

Far too quick and automatic a response for JJ's liking.

"Spence…."

"You've all got enough on your minds, JJ."

She was glad he couldn't see her rolling her eyes in frustration. _Talk about wanting to go it alone._

"Spencer Reid, I don't know how else to say this to you. You have a family here, and we're all worried about you and your mom. We are capable of worrying about more than one thing at a time, you know. Now, spill."

He smiled at the blatant affection infused into his scolding.

"All right. Mom is…..it's hard to say. She has moments where she seems to be pretty clear…..and then she'll forget where she is and why she's here."

"What do her doctors say?"

"Well, they can't tell me if she's getting the drug or the placebo, because it's a double-blinded study. That means _they_ don't know, either. But they don't think they're seeing much progress. They don't think she's worsening, the way I do. They just don't think she's improving."

JJ didn't know what to make of the difference in assessment between Reid and the medical staff.

"Wouldn't you be a better judge? I mean, she's your mom, you know her better than they do."

"That's the thing…..maybe I don't. You know I don't get to see her very often. Her primary physician thinks that maybe I'm comparing her current status to what she was like when she was younger, when her schizophrenia was more severe. But schizophrenia symptoms have a natural tendency to wane over time. It's possible I'm seeing her as being more clear because her original symptoms are finally waning…."

"Only to be replaced by symptoms of dementia. Oh, Spence, I'm so sorry. What a terrible hand she's been dealt. And you."

She couldn't imagine being deprived of her mother for nearly the whole of her life, and coming 'this close' to finding her…..only to lose her again. Her heart ached for Reid, and for Diana, even if the woman's afflictions would keep her from realizing the loss.

JJ vowed to herself that she would call her own mother, the next free moment she found. _And I'll be grateful that I can._

Reid's response drew her attention back to the phone.

"Yeah, well. So it looks like I might have moved her to Houston for nothing. And I'm afraid I've actually made her worse by insisting she leave Bennington for here. Bennington was her home for nearly twenty years. It was familiar to her….the place, the staff. Here, she's got nothing to ground herself with. No wonder she gets so disoriented."

JJ felt a gentle reminder was in order. "Didn't this whole thing start with her walking away from Bennington? Right? She was already getting disoriented even while she was still there, Spence. You didn't do this to her."

Wishing there was some way to alleviate his guilt without having to remind him of just how sick his mother actually was. But, she knew, there was not likely to be a happy ending to this particular story.

 _All we can do is try to walk through it with him. If he'll let us._

"I guess. You're right, it was already happening. But I still think I've made it worse."

Unseen, JJ closed her eyes and shook her head.

"You and Rossi are made out of the same mold, you know that? You're both bound and determined to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. What did you tell me, not so long ago, when I was carrying so much guilt about the baby I lost? Didn't you tell me that I couldn't be responsible for the evil perpetrated by someone else? Isn't that what you want Rossi to know, right now?"

Her question was met with a soft, admonished, "Yes."

"So what if the 'bad guy' in your mother's case is 'fate'? It doesn't make any difference, Spence. It's still not your fault."

After a pause that lasted too long, he responded. "Or genetics."

"Huh?"

"I'm not so sure I believe in fate. But it's probably genetics playing the unsub role with my mom right now."

JJ was relieved to think she'd gotten through to him, until she realized the rest of it.

 _Those same genes might come after him one day, God forbid. Just like Tommy Yates is coming after Rossi._

And she wasn't sure she knew how to help either of them. But she had to try.

"Just so long as you're not owning it yourself. Really, Spence, I think the best thing you can do for your mother now is to be with her."

 _And it's probably the best thing you can do for you, too._

"But you're short-handed, and I'm not really changing anything by being here."

"Aren't you?"

He heard her. He wasn't 'fixing' anything. But he _was_ changing something.

 _She's better when I'm around. She still knows me, for now. Most of the time, anyway. Maybe she doesn't need Bennington to ground her. Maybe she just needs me. It's the least I can do. After all, she was there with me from my very first day of life. Maybe she just wants me to be with her, for her last. Maybe I can't change what's come before. But maybe I can change what the end of her life is like._

Somewhere deep inside he knew that he was also changing something else. He was changing who he was. By being present to Diana now, he was transforming himself from his self-proclaimed identity as 'the son who put his mother away so he could live his own life', and becoming 'the son who stood by his mother when she needed him most'. _At last._

"All right, I guess you're right, I should be here. But promise me you'll tell me if you guys need me."

"We _always_ need you, Spence. But, sometimes, family has to come first."

Said the pot to the kettle. But, bit by bit, the pot had been learning her lesson. No reason not to share it.

Reid accepted her advice, and asked her to pass some along to their senior colleague.

"Please tell Rossi I'm sorry for what he's going through. But Yates can only target him for as long as he stands apart from the rest of you. He not only needs to let you in, he needs to let you surround him. Then Yates will have to show himself."

"From your mouth, through mine, to Rossi's ear….is that it? You don't want to risk his temper yourself?"

"Well…..he's less likely to take a bite out of _you_."

"Ha! All right, Spence. It's good advice. I'll give it a try. Or maybe I can get Emily to tell him." _She's got to earn her stripes, after all._

"Please tell her I called, okay?"

"Uh-uh. This doesn't count. She wants to hear from you herself, every day. She thinks I'm too easy on you."

 _You are. And I love you for it. And Emily isn't. And I love her for that._

"Oh, all right, I'll call her. Hey, JJ?"

"Yeah?"

"When this is over…..and it will be… maybe you should have a little birthday party for Rossi. You know, you could make him a cake…."

She chuckled, remembering. "Should I be having visions of trick candles and a birthday hat?"

"I know it sounds silly. But, as pathetic as it might be, it was the happiest birthday of my life."

This time, the long pause came from JJ. "Really?"

Images of Henry's parties, and the one she just thrown for Michael a few months back, flooded JJ's mind. It had given her so much pleasure to have made her boys so happy. She mourned for Diana's inability to have done so for her own son, and Reid's having missed out on one of the simplest joys of childhood.

"Really. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because that's when I knew I belonged. It's when I knew I wasn't just Gideon's tag-along. That I was part of a team, and that the team accepted me."

On the other end of the phone, JJ blinked back tears, immensely grateful to think that something she'd done on a momentary impulse had brought joy to the man who had since become her best friend. But she wasn't quite sure of his point.

"You're saying Rossi doesn't feel accepted as part of the team?"

"Not at all! Just that he needs to be reminded. So, remind him."

"You know what? You're right. I will."

"Good...and please tell him 'Happy Birthday' from me."

"Will do. Listen, I don't want you to worry about anything except taking care of yourself and your mom. There's a thing between mothers and sons that's more precious than anything else in the world. I should know. Don't let her miss out on it. Your mom needs you there. And you need to be there. All right?"

 _You know me so well, my friend. What else can I do but agree?_

"Yes, ma'am."

He knew she had to get back to the case, but before he closed the call, Reid ventured one more piece of advice.

"Uh…JJ?"

"Yes?"

"When you give Rossi his cake...well, um...you know those candles? And the hat?"

She knew exactly where he was going.

"Consider them gone."

"Thank God."


End file.
